Life Alone

Best picture of me, ever

Best picture of me, ever

I never planned on living alone. I was never a very social person, but I also never planned on having a life alone. Well, I also never really had a plan.

If ever a life has been lived in the moment, mine is it. I didn’t plan on being a cowboy as a teenager in Oregon. That just happened. I did learn a lot, but it was not on my list of things I wanted to do.

For a very brief period of time, I considered going to college and becoming a teacher. Then all the Laws started changing to the point that a teacher could not spank or do much to correct one of the little monsters, so I figured why should I spend 4 more years going to school which I always hated, anyway? By that time I had my choice of scholarships and refused them all. I was done with school. Don’t get me wrong, I think school is important and I would hate to go to a doctor that had not bothered to attend one.

Then by some bit of insanity I found myself married and not to a rancher. I had some passing thoughts about marrying a rancher and eventually maybe having some children, but it wasn’t a firm decision. Yet here I was, married to the least likely to ever be a rancher or even steadily employed. Talk about someone that had no idea what to look for in a husband, that would be me.

Given enough time, we finally divorced and I would have been alone, except I needed to babysit to pay my rent and work to pay for the divorce. Once that was all taken care of, I was invited to mine for a summer and by the next year, I was married yet again.

For once, I got it right. I loved being married to Charlie and we enjoyed our life together. Then he died and I was back to being alone. This alone was painful and debilitating. I didn’t function well and was not in a good frame of mind, at all.

I had read the Bible as a child, in school as there was one in the library and every year I read all the books. It took me ages to get through all the begats. There were a few stories, fictionalizing some Bible stories and I enjoyed them very much. We did not have any religious instruction at home and had never been near a church.

I met someone and thought it was going to be good times again, but I was not thinking correctly on that one, at all. It dragged on too long, but I have always been stubborn and hate to admit when I make mistakes. This one was another doozy.

I bought some property, my Mom sold her house and sent up the money, so I, with some help, built her a house. She couldn’t be alone and I didn’t want to continue the failed relationship, so we moved into her new house.

My daughter’s house sold and she also came out and we built her a nice house also. It has been a learning experience all the way around and I guess most of life really is.

Mom and I were both baptized the same day by my sister’s husband, in our Church. It was great. Then we went up to Chena Hot Springs and had a lovely swim. What a wonderful day.

Things were going well, Mom was feeling better than she had in a long time, when suddenly she became ill and we rushed her to the hospital. She died after a 5 day stay and I came home to an empty house.

Yes, these last few years since Mom died have been by myself but I am alone, not lonely. There is a major difference.

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4 thoughts on “Life Alone

  1. Sheesh, that sure is a short version of a long story! I’ve read your longer versions of it before….at least the saga of your roller coaster love life. Hadn’t heard the parts about you and your Mom’s baptism before, though. Have you ever posted a fuller version of that life chapter? I’m interested.

    Your Colorado friend,
    – Jeff

      • Stop thinking like a news reporter, and think like a Hallmark Channel made-for-TV screen writer. 🙂

        Why were you baptized then? Why together? Why so late in her life? Was/is your brother a minister? You said, “It has been a learning experience all the way around.” For example, what?

        Your main point of being alone now, but not lonely, is interesting….but you’re leaving it to my imagination how it feels for you. I’d rather hear it from you: How does it feel to have God as your only regular companion for stretches of time? What are your favorite Bible passages?

        You’re not the only person who is intensely hardened, fiercely self-sufficient, and supremely confident in your ability to take care of yourself (except when high ladders are involved). A person doesn’t have to physically live in a remote place in a challenging climate and geography to have those same mental traits. There are urban and suburban anti-social survivalists too — like me. You reached a point where you had to give control over to something else. How you made that transition of control is something I could learn from, if you’re willing to share.

        – Jeff

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